Watching From the Top Shelf

you saw her walk past your isle a couple of times, but only a few months after you first laid eyes on her did she take you home, muttering something about “conforming to stereotypes.” your fabric finally feels the touch of a human for the first time. at first she puts you on her shelf, the top shelf, giving you room above the other plushies she puts there. she pulls you down when she feels lonely, when she needs someone to cry into. she holds you tightly, she strokes you gently. in some small way you know she loves you.

do you love her?

its hard to say. its obviously asymmetrical. shes a person and you’re a plush. the kinds of love that you’re capable for feeling and expressing for each other are very different. she loves you like an inanimate object, one who above all wants to be held. and on that top shelf you witness her daily life and see someone worth comforting, and youre more than happy to provide that to her. you’re built for that, after all, and also don’t want to do anything differently. so yes, in a way, you love her too.

one day she starts to pull you down for more things. she cuddles you during work meetings, on calls with friends, watching movies. she starts sleeping with you, holding you under the covers. she starts to kiss you, gently planting them on your forehead. her legs intertwine with your tail. on the top shelf you only see so much. is she going through something terrible? you havent seen her cry lately, though…

then someone else comes home with her, and continues to do so. from the top shelf you see their relationship grow, the way they hold each other, the way she gently plants kisses on her forehead too. it becomes clear to you. they talk and talk about many things, including each other. theyre clearly special to one another. it doesnt mean you arent special to her, of course you are. she still holds you, more than ever! its clear, however, that the nature of your relationship (whatever that means between person and plushie) is greatly affected by that third person too.

you can tell when she’s messaging her special someone, because her face brightens and her smile widens and she giggles. sometimes she even does it holding you, lying in bed, one arm around you and the other typing on her phone. you can’t see what she says though. you know exactly what she says on call with her special someone, though, because you’re right there in her arms as she does it.

one night, her and her special someone are in bed together, and that someone recommends cuddling with you in between them. she grabs you from the top shelf and all of a sudden you’re being cuddled by two people at once. you hadn’t even considered the possibility. but, all of a sudden, your owner tosses you from the bed, and then she says it.

“why cuddle with him when you’re right here? that plush isn’t enough… i want you. no imitations.”

you didn’t harbour any misconceptions about your relationship with her, how it was impossible to be what she has with her special someone, and yet you expected those words to hurt, to pierce you through your polyester fiber where your heart would be if you had one.

and yet, the pain doesn’t come. her special someone couldn’t stay the night, and she returns to cuddling you to yearn, and you feel the same way that you have always felt when she holds you.

you arent mad that she said that. a person isn’t gonna think about the feelings of an inanimate object like you. you intimately understand how the roles of you and her special someone differ. this is just the nature of the relationship. she can say all of those things, she can talk about “imitations” all she wants, but there is still something important that only you two can provide to each other. you can tell, because she’s holding you right now, and you feel it, deep within yourself.

you’re a plush. you exist to reassure, and to be held, and you can do those things without ever complaining or without ever needing to exert your own autonomy. that is its own kind of love. a person or even a pet with their own thoughts and feelings and desires could never offer a kind of love like this. her love for you, too, is simple, unconditional in a way that no person could be the target of.

she strokes your fabric. she kisses your forehead. she falls asleep, arms around you. within her rest she mutters the name of her special someone. in those words is a love for you that will never expire.